I had grandiose dreams of making a splashy return to my blog. I wanted to have the perfect plan, with the next few posts scheduled and a perfectly curated feed. But instead, here I am with an awkward smile and a little wave, saying Hi, I’m back, I hope.
As I’m writing this, doubt weighs on my mind. It pulls my thoughts with it, like a gravitational pull towards a centre that is…not good. There is a heaviness to self-doubt that pulls downward until you are firmly held in a prison of your own making. It chains up your wings by convincing you that you cannot fly. Every word I type here is a form of resistance; a struggle to escape that dreadful gravitational pull; a gradual unfurling of wings that have been unused for too long.
Maybe my return does not have to be perfect. (As a recovering perfectionist, that last sentence was a whole rebellion.) Perhaps my return simply needs to be, to exist, to happen. Maybe that is enough. Maybe I am enough. Maybe one day, we can all realize that we are enough.
It has been a while since I’ve felt the itch to create. But, today, my fingers begged to touch a keyboard, and my mind started leaking words, phrases and ideas. They fell like an incessant drip on the unyielding rock of mundane tasks and practical thoughts that normally occupy my days. They fell: drip drip drip, until I could ignore the urge no longer. So here I am.
There’s something about slow rainy days. It slows down the mental rush and wakes up my “daydreamy-ness.” It seems difficult to create in heat and busyness. While the daily bustle might inspire an idea, it is often lost in a swirl of activity. Stress and anxiety often whips the swirl into a frenzy, and all of my thoughts and ideas blur together into a chaotic mess. It takes the gentler breeze of slowness, of something that closely resembles boredom, for my mind to pick out the creative thoughts from the swirl. It takes space and coolness for any creative idea to bloom into a whole post.
This morning my fingers and my mind said Let’s write. I had a million questions:
What are we writing about?
What’s the outline?
Now?
Why?
But the answer was simple and perhaps a little scary: Don’t think, just write. Let’s go on an adventure…a walk along a meandering path through your inner creative space, and we will see where we end up. The part of me that wants everything to be planned and organized to perfection recoiled. I’d much rather know who, what, when, why and how. I want a to-do list, a schedule, a plan…something that tells me how it’ll work out to reassure my anxious mind. But the urge to write was having none of that. Let’s go.
So, again, here I am on the unknown-path-with-no-foreseeable-direction. Normally I’d try to set the mood before such adventures: a scented candle, a comfy chair, the right playlist, maybe some hot cocoa and my notebook of ideas. But today I am armed only with a 90’s R&B playlist and my phone. There is no outline and no aim other than to let the words flow unhindered from my mind to my fingertips and out into this post.
The path looks beautiful though. It is neither wide nor narrow. Somehow it is shady enough to be cool but still bright enough that I can appreciate its gentle beauty. Creativity is truly born in slowness. It feels comforting to momentarily wander away from the feeling of being trapped. This path feels…free. The air is crisp and clean, cool and comforting. Here, my dreams dance unhindered like the most beautiful butterflies amidst flowers of various colours and sizes. As I walk further, my steps become surer and more relaxed.
Here, my doubts start to melt away. Here, the sunlight is not a harsh burn, but a gentle, embracing warmth, like a hug from the heavens. Why was I afraid to come here? I wish I could be here more often. It is quiet enough for me to hear my inner voice. The false messages I’ve internalized are lost in the quiet. I feel more like myself than I have in quite a while.
As I venture further along the path, I can hear the sounds of the sea in the distance. I start to feel the salty breeze. The sea represents the epitome of love, peace and freedom for me. But I’m not ready to venture that far yet. At least now, I have the faith to believe in how exquisitely beautiful it will be, when I get there. For now, I’ll pause here, grateful for my little rainy day creative adventure.
One of the most obvious, but most overlooked signs that I am dire need of a break, is when taking care of myself feels like a chore. Have you ever tried to complete your routines and thought Ugh, I HAVE to do my skincare? I recently went through a period of burnout, and let me tell you, everything felt like a chore! Even as I rested and relaxed myself back into a state where I felt like I could slowly resume…life, it was still difficult to pick up, or add, habits and activities that I knew, without a doubt, would have been beneficial to me.
So I decided to try a little unicorn experiment. I have a vague memory of hearing/reading a mindset tip: instead of saying I have to, say I get to. Unfortunately I can’t remember exactly where I heard/read it; I found it floating in the clouds of information I’ve taken in from various sources over the past few years. However, the idea of reframing my thoughts about these beneficial, but necessary activities (at least if I want to meet my goals) intrigued me. What if, instead of viewing journaling as a tiresome chore I had to do for my mental health, I saw it as a form of self-care? I needed the reminder that these things help me to unwind and manage my anxiety. I needed to change the way I saw them. So, what if my night time routine became a time of relaxation and reconnection with myself? As I began to change my mindset, I slowly felt a breath of new energy and excitement blowing with increasing strength through my life. The unicorn was back!
Thus far, the mindset shift has help me to consistently pick up a few activities and habits that had fallen by the wayside. This, in turn, has improved my mental and physical health, and added to my motivation. It has gently woven threads of motivation and improved mental health throughout my days (in a very subtle unicorn way). So, here are my unicorn tips (based on my experience and my experiment) for anyone who, like me, struggles to pick up beneficial activities after a slump:
1. Choose a habit or activity you want to add to your life (or resume). Ensure that it aligns with your goals/intentions for yourself and has some benefit that you can recognize.
2. Find a positive way to talk to yourself about it. Surround it with positivity! Create an environment that’ll make it more enjoyable. For example, I tackled my night routine first, and I added lighting a scented candle to the start of it. It just created a relaxing atmosphere and gave me something to look forward to at the beginning.
3. Decide when you will do it. Schedule it! If you’re not a planner, at least decide what day you will do it.
4. Remind yourself that you are doing this for you. I tried to avoid “have to” language. I either said I want to this, or, This will be good for me because…, or, I get to take care of myself by…Any kind of statement that frames the activity as something you can look forward to doing because it will have a positive effect works well.
5. Be present in the moment when you are actually doing the activity. Be curious about how you are feeling before, during and after. Are you enjoying it? Do you feel more relaxed after? Did it make some future part of your life easier? For example, with my night routine, I realized that I felt more relaxed, fell asleep more easily, and my skin’s appearance has really improved!
6. Track it! I love habit trackers, because I love to see how I’ve been doing. Whether it’s a daily, or weekly, or a few-times-weekly activity, seeing the progress you make can motivate you to keep going.
7. Celebrate every win, no matter how small it is. (It’s a very unicorn thing to do! We love to celebrate round these parts).
Can you relate to this experience? If you have any tips of your own, feel free to share them! I hope that you find this helpful (or at least mildly entertaining). If you are struggling to pick yourself back up, let this be your reminder that you are not alone, and that better is possible.
I’ve been plagued by a gentle nagging sensation in my spirit. You may be able to relate to it: it’s the feeling that it’s time to get back up and refocus. It’s an urge to reset and realign your daily actions with your purpose and goals, because maybe you paused or veered off course a little. Of course, thanks to this urge, my latest addiction has been productivity and reset videos. They don’t only provide inspiration, but in a sense, I feel like I’m spending time with people who are where I’d like to be. They’ve been quite helpful as I start this quest to reset my life.
The last few months haven’t been ideal. Usually, in June, I sit with my list of resolutions/goals/intentions, review it and my progress, and adjust myself (and sometimes the list) accordingly. However, that didn’t happen this year. I was exhausted, to the point of burnout, so, that activity, along with other normally-helpful habits, were relegated to the metaphorical back burner. My cup was drained to the dregs. I had to do something different; I had to give myself permission to refill the cup first. After several weeks of refilling my empty cup, I finally felt as if my “get up and go” was slowly returning.
But why did my “get up and go” leave in the first place? I think some of us have vastly underestimated how we were affected by the pandem…onium of the past two years. I struggled with the return to the physical workplace. As much as I tried to give myself grace, I had high expectations. With the failure to meet those expectations came harsh self-inflicted criticisms when I inevitably fell short. I’m certain that no amount of productivity advice, lifestyle vlogs or self-help reading would’ve helped me at that point. I had to relax and rest before trying to reset.
The reset journey has not been easy thus far. It has been plagued with false starts and inconsistency. Or maybe I should look at it differently. Sometimes the first steps on a growth journey are shaky. It takes time and effort for habits to stick. Maybe for the past few weeks I ticked off my new habits three times, but this week, I’ll tick it off four or five times. That is progress, and all progress should be celebrates.
I’d like to write a wonderful blog post and give tips on how to do a reset based on my own experience. However, I’m not there yet. I’m still a work in progress. But I am here to encourage you. The temptation to throw our hands up in the air (because we’re almost in September and it feels too late to make progress) can be strong. But reset is possible. We don’t have to wait until a new year. Every day is a fresh chance. A timid start is better than none. A beneficial new habit (or rediscovered habit) done three times this week is better than one not attempted, and next week, you can aim for four or five times. We owe it to ourselves and our world to work towards being better versions of ourselves.
I remember when I used to ask myself “Why do I even bother setting resolutions if I never keep them?” I think quite a few of us have asked ourselves this question. I mean, in theory, resolutions/intentions/goals are a great way to help us move forward in any area of our lives, or so we’ve been told. Unfortunately (heh) they only work if we actually carry them out.
My practical experience is that this practice is quite useful. We can see growth in many areas of life when we make and try to stick to, resolutions. Since we are all about growth ’round these parts, I thought I’d share some tips I’ve picked up on keeping resolutions all throughout the year:
1. Always return to your “why.” If something isn’t important enough to us, we tend to throw it out of the metaphorical window at the first sign of “I’m-not-really-feeling-itis.” When we are clear on our reasons and they are important to us, they help to keep us on track.
2. Don’t try to do everything at once. I have been so guilty of this. It’s as if I was bitten by some kind of self-improvement bug, which results in a grandiose fancy where I wake up on January 2nd as my dream self. As we say in Trinidad, “it doh wuk so.” Choose a couple changes that are relatively easy to implement, try those for a few weeks, and when you feel like you’ve gained some consistency, make a few more changes. You have the entire year to accomplish these resolutions, so you don’t need to pack them all into the first few months.
3. Don’t make the maximum your starting point. It’s so tempting, when you have a goal like “Read for one hour every day,” to start off by…aiming to read for one hour every day (although you previously didn’t have any kind of regular reading habit). I find it easier, and less frustrating, to start with a minimum, and then work my way up. So, for example, start with 15 minutes, or with 3 days per week. Then, you notice it’s easier to be consistent, you can gradually increase, implement, get accustomed to, and repeat, until you reach the goal. So, set a minimum, and work your way up to the ideal (your maximum).
4. Break larger goals or projects into smaller sections. Then schedule deadlines for each smaller section. I can’t speak for you, but the feeling of accomplishment helps to drive me forward. So, instead of waiting until the distant end of one large project to feel accomplished, I break it into logical, reasonable smaller projects. That way, when I complete each smaller piece, I know I have made clear progress.
5. Schedule time to work towards your resolutions and do regular check-ins. Whether you plan every day, week or month, you need to decide when you will work on your resolutions. Do you want to cook more often instead of ordering food? When will you do it? Is there a new daily habit you want to develop? When during the day will you practice it?
6. Entrust your goals and resolutions to God. As a Catholic Christian, I want Him to be with me and guide me as I journey through life and work towards becoming the best version of myself.
7. Design systems to help you succeed. There is so much information out there about how to implement new habits (like the book “Atomic Habits” by James Clear). Strategies like habit stacking, calendar-blocking etc can help set you up for success. Even simple actions like laying out what you need from the night before can help set you up for success the next day.
8. Track and celebrate your progress. Listen, I get it. I want to do everything perfectly the first time, and every time. Do you see that shiny,, new habit I’m trying to develop? I want to see myself doing it every day from the first week! But that doesn’t always happen, and sometimes, when it doesn’t, I get so discouraged that I give up (how dramatic!). Instead, if I can see that maybe in the first two weeks, I did the action twice, and then I increased to three times, I can celebrate progress. When we can see via a habit tracker that we are making slow, but steady progress, it can encourage us to keep going.
9. Review and tweak where necessary. It’s always good to stop and examine how any process unfolds, and this is true for self-improvement too.
10. Give yourself grace if/when you fall off the wagon.
What kind of progress have you made towards your goals? Do you have any advice on how to keep your resolutions? Feel free to share it in the comments below. I hope you find at least one of these tips useful.
Hello friends! If you’re a person who loves stationery and/or planning/scheduling your time (like me), you may have noticed that stores (both online and physical) are stocked up with planners for next year (yay!). Although I enjoy seeing the variety of planners available (because variety means options), I’ll admit that it can also be overwhelming. I’m also like Goldilocks when it comes to my planner (minus the house-breaking): it has to be just right! So if you’d like some unicorn-approved tips and questions to ask yourself when selecting your new planner, here they are:
Do you prefer digital or pen-and-paper planners? Some people prefer to have their planner entirely virtual, while others prefer ye good old pen-and-paper. You could also use a combination of both digital and pen and paper. (It’s easy to use something like Google calendar to keep track of events that are fairly far ahead or occur yearly.)
How structured do you want your plannerto be? You can buy a very structured planner or you can look into bullet journaling, where you basically design your own. You can also consider getting an undated planner so if you miss a month (life happens), you can just label the blank pages to suit.
To what level of detail do you like to plan? Do you like to plan every hour or do you prefer to be more flexible? Do you just want to keep track of when you have major events/chores as a reminder? Do you prefer to have a mixture of both planning and some flexibility? Some planners (like monthly planners) are better for less detailed planning, and some are more suited for planning daily (or even hourly).
How much space doyou need in each planning section? This is related to the question above; if you’re a weekly planner then you need weekly spreads with a lot of space. If you like to plan each day out, you need enough space to write in each day. You can also consider if you’d prefer to have spaces that are lined or unlined.
What size would be most convenient to you? Do you need a small planner that you can slip into your handbag? Do you want something larger than can fit into a briefcase/portfolio?
What kind of special features do you want? Planners nowadays can be very simple or have all sorts of bells and whistles. Are you into goal setting? Then you can look for a planner that includes a monthly/weekly goal setting/priority list. Are you into developing and keeping good habits? Some planners include habit trackers, which may help you when you’re introducing new habits. Some planners also include features for budgeting, mood check-ins (for mental health), notes or a folder for small documents/bills/business cards etc. Some planners also come with sticker sheets (this gets a huge yay from me).
What’s your style?: These tips/questions wouldn’t be unicorn-approved if I didn’t include something about the cuteness factor and making sure your planner reflects, well, you! If you’re going to look at your planner on a regular basis, it may as well be something that you enjoy looking at and that reflects you! So whether your style is minimal, cutesy, whimsical, floral, feminine, eclectic, bold, edgy, sophisticated or fun, try to find a planner that reflects that. I’m a firm believer that things can be both functional and cute.
I hope you found this post helpful! If you have any tips or other questions that help you to select a planner for you, feel free to share! Happy new-planner-season!
During my undergraduate university life, the thought of studying for the rest of my life was daunting. This was probably because I didn’t really connect to my field of study back then. As I grew older (ahem, less young and more mature), I came to understand that learning doesn’t end with university. Even more importantly, learning is not limited to whatever your field of study was; you can choose to learn more about, well, anything (yay internet!). I’ve often seen lifelong learning listed as a habit of successful people. I can definitely say that quite a bit of what I’ve learnt has benefitted me and improved my life in some way. Continuous learning and growth are both very unicornesque habits.
Here are some virtual (and some are free too!) tools I’ve found to be quite useful in my journey of lifelong learning:
1. Coursera: This website has quite a few free university courses from around the world. Now, hear me out: there are all kinds of courses. I’ve done courses that were related to my career, hobbies and even personal development. Perhaps one of the most helpful courses I took was “The Science of Wellbeing,” from Yale University. It really helped me to improve my mental health this year.
2. Audible: This app is all about audiobooks and podcasts. It’s great for people who may not have time to sit and read a physical book (or don’t have space to keep a million books). The podcasts are also great. The “Start Here” podcast from Mel Robbins is filled with very practical self-help tips.
3. Spotify: This app is also great for podcasts. Honestly, I like to listen to them in the morning while I’m making breakfast or getting ready. You can listen to them on your way to work, or while taking a walk…there are some great ones out there.
4. Duolingo: I find it amazing how I’ve allowed this little green owl to pressure me into a daily study habit. Whether you want to learn a new language, or brush up on a foreign language you used to study, this app is amazing. I appreciate that it allows you to set a daily goal (which can be big or small) and it reminds you…daily (hence the pressure).
5. Google Word Coach: So, if you want to improve your vocabulary, this is a fun way to do it. It’s essentially a series of short word quizzes.
6. Pinterest: Okay, I may appear to be reaching with this one, but I promise I’m not. I’ve learned a lot from Pinterest: new recipes, new hairstyles, new ways of styling my clothes and even new makeup looks. Are you tired of eating the same old things? Just go on Pinterest and search for recipes involving the main ingredient (“black bean recipes,” “avocado recipes,”) etc.
7. Instagram, Facebook and Youtube: I can almost see your quizzical facial expressions. You can control your social media experience to a large extent, in that you can choose who you follow. I’ve learned a lot by following thought leaders and self-improvement speakers, religious leaders and speakers,intuitive eating nutritionists, body positive influencers, mental health pages, beauty influencers and even food pages. It’s all up to you.
I hope you found this list useful. Feel free to comment (respectfully of course) and share any other lifelong learning tools you like, that I may not have mentioned here.
Hello friends! Here we are, locked down (for what feels like forever) in the midst of a pandemic and I think I should be honest with you all. I am exhausted. This tiredness is more mental than physical (although it manifests physically from time to time). These don’t really seem to be unicorn-sparkling-thriving conditions. I have occasionally felt like a pendulum; I swung from the extreme of hyper-productivity and rigidly ticking off items on my to-do list, to the other extreme where I was barely able to do anything. Have you experienced anything similar to this? Do you feel like you’ve been living the same day over and over?
After some time, experience, prayer, reading and advice, I am slowly learning to find some balance. I’m also learning the signs that I’m approaching a rut and how to either prevent, or minimize it. So here are my tips for preventing/minimizing a rut:
Edit your to-do list. How easily we get caught up in hustle culture! There are so many voices telling us that we absolutely, positively, have-to-bound-to-must-to accomplish all of the things, because we are at home more now. As much as I’d agree that we can use this time for reflection, growth, discovery of new hobbies and interests etc., we are also under an incredible amount of stress. I had to modify my to-do list and my expectations of myself. It’s better to accomplish a little bit at a constant pace, than to try to do everything and end up unable to do anything.
Practice self-awareness. Pay attention to your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. What are the signs that you are falling into a rut? Is what you are feeling a response to a specific event that day, or is there something underlying?
Reach out to a friend. Check in on your friends, but also be honest with them. Sometimes, when we share our struggles with our loved ones, it opens the door for them to do the same. “A burden shared is a burden halved,” – T.A. Webb.
Sprinkle some humour into your day. Read a funny book, look at a comedy video on Youtube, watch your favourite funny movie or an episode of your favourite sitcom or call a friend that you normally laugh with. Play a game with your family and/or pets.
Add some joyful movement into your day. Find a form of movement that you actually enjoy (and that you can do safely at home, for now at least). I love dance-based workouts (like Zumba or barre). You can also just put on a hot playlist and dance like nobody’s watching.
Have a good cry. Doesn’t that sound counter-intuitive? But I can personally attest to the power of a good old snotty-nosed, ugly cry. Sometimes it happens when I’m praying and telling God how much I really, really, really feel fed up of this pandemic and all of the sickness, death and suffering that people are struggling with worldwide. Sometimes you just need to let yourself feel those feelings.
Pick up a new hobby/interest, or rediscover an old one. It doesn’t have to be time-consuming; just something that sprinkles some happiness and novelty into your routine. If you can choose something that’ll help you get closer to your dreams, better yet. For example, if you dream of visiting a non-English speaking country, you can download Duolingo and start learning the language.
Break your routine ever so often. These days can feel monotonous, especially if you’re a fan of routines and habits (like I am…it’s ridiculous sometimes). Occasionally, I throw my to-do list to the wind and have a spontaneous day. It’s a way to break the monotony a little.
Ramp up your self-care. You may need to do self-care activities more often than usual, and that’s okay. These are not normal circumstances, and if you need them, you need them. Don’t begrudge yourself the care you need.
Rest. (I think this one is self-explanatory).
These are the activities that have helped me to prevent (or at least minimize) burnout/a rut during the various lockdowns we’ve had due to the pandemic. I hope you find these helpful, or, at least, that my honesty about my struggles help you to feel seen. Do you have any tips you’d like to share? Feel free to share them.
Hello everyone! Welcome to the month of June; can you believe that we’re practically halfway through the year? So, remember those resolutions/goals/dreams/intentions we wrote in our journals in January? (Cue awkward silence). Well, it’s time to do a progress check. I know this could be either a “yay” moment or a “yikes” moment, but it should definitely be a “yes” moment. It’s time to say “yes” (again, today and every day) to the growth and improved habits and lives and dreams we’ve held on to. It’s also time to say “yes” to both honesty and self-compassion.
So let’s get out those journals. It’s time to flip back to those pages where we laid out our intentions with such care. (Pro-tip: fold washi tape along the edge of journal pages you need to refer back to often). It’s time to get excited again about the better-version-of-ourselves we envisioned in January. When I went through this process, it was sandwiched with prayer: I asked the Holy Spirit for wisdom and guidance before starting, and entrusted my plans to God and asked for strength and perseverance when I was finished. I’d also suggest that you carve out some uninterrupted time to do this; it requires some reflection. Without further ado, here is the unicorn process for refreshing New Year’s resolutions:
Reread your resolutions. I’d suggest that you read them over slowly. My resolutions are grouped into various topics (like spiritual, health etc.), so I did this one section at a time.
Reconnect with your ‘why.’ Reflect on why you decided to set these resolutions. What were the benefits you envisioned? What does the better-version-of-yourself that you’re aiming for, look like?
Celebrate your progress. Too often, we zoom onto our shortcomings and neglect to acknowledge our success. Celebrate and express gratitude for the areas that you made some progress in.
Examine the goals that you have not made any progress towards. What obstacles did you encounter? Why didn’t you make the kind of progress you wanted? The key here is to examine what happened with a non-judgmental curiosity, which leads me to my next point:
Practice self-compassion. Perhaps you experienced an illness, a low point, a family emergency. We are currently in a pandemic and it has taken a toll on us in different ways: physical health, mental health, some people have lost their jobs/income, some have lost family members and friends. Even as you ask yourself why you did not meet certain goals, be kind to yourself.
Adjust accordingly and plan for your obstacles. In step 4, you would’ve identified the obstacles. Now that you know what they are, you can put things in place so that you can overcome them. You can create an environment that is conducive to your success. Or, maybe you’ve realized that the resolution/goal you set is impractical, and you need to either make some adjustments, postpone it or remove it. You can also write down the adjusted resolutions and additional plans you made.
Decide how you will incorporate any new, positive habits. Once you are satisfied with your adjustments, add these new habits to your routine. S.M.A.R.T. goals involve a time component, so ask yourself: when will I add in these new habits? How often? What do I need in order to accomplish these goals?
I have been following some version of these steps for the the past five years and I’ve seen concrete growth in many areas of my life. Of course, every year I refine the process, based on whatever I learn or experience. Naturally, there is always room for improvement and growth. Whether you’ve already been doing something similar and just want to refine your process, or this is totally new, I hope that you find this useful. If you have any tips that you’d like to share, feel free to leave a comment…I love to learn and grow too!
Hello friends! Today’s post is a short story about two cousins with two completely different mindsets, who enter the same situation but end up with different results. Happy reading!
Once upon a time, a group of fun-loving cousins decided to plan a cousins’ lime (lime = hanging out, for my non-Trinidadian readers), but, instead of their usual beach/river/dinner/movie/home lime, they opted for something different. One of the cousins recently moved to Costa Rica, so they decided to upgrade their lime to a trip (to visit said cousin). However, two cousins (out of the four), namely Francesca and Grace, found themselves in a small predicament: neither spoke a word of Spanish. Their excitement about the trip was peppered with anxiety due to their total ignorance of the language. Grace, ever a seeker of solutions, found a short conversational Spanish course, and invited Fran to accompany her.
Their first few classes were disastrous. The lecturer believed the best way to learn a language was to immerse yourself in it. Thus instead of quietly sitting in the back and paying attention, Fran and Grace found that they were expected to respond, aloud, to questions (in Spanish), act out little skits in front of the class and follow basic instructions given in Spanish. Both of them felt lost and even slightly embarrassed, as they struggled to get the pronunciations and grammar correct. There many times that the lecturer gave an instruction, and both Fran and Grace were so lost that they just waited to see what everyone else was doing before attempting anything.
The turning point for Grace came after her debacle: after five classes, when she stood up to do her skit with Fran, she boldly said “Me llama Grace,” and pronounced “llama” like we would pronounce the name of the animal “llama,” in English. She lost marks for both bad pronunciation and poor grammar and the lecturer’s feedback for both cousins was definitely not positive and they both failed that assignment. They were told that they needed to work on their pronunciation and grammar and review their vocabulary.
“We did so badly in that skit and we looked so stupid,” moaned Fran after class.
“We learned how to say ‘my name is’ on the first day of class, and I still got it wrong. I do feel a little embarrassed,” responded Grace.
“If I were you, I’d want to dig a hole and bury myself in it. You’re lucky people were nice enough to stifle their giggles. I’m just not good at Spanish. I heard that either you have an ear for foreign languages or you don’t. Clearly, I don’t. I think I want to drop out,” said Fran.
“Hmm. I’m not sure I agree. I think I need to try harder. I’m going to ask the lecturer for some tips on what I can do to improve. Anyway, if people had laughed, I wouldn’t have minded much. It was pretty funny. I wanted to laugh too, and I’m sure I’ll never mispronounce it again,” concluded Grace.
“Well, if you want me to continue going to class to keep you company, I will. But I’m not participating, so you’ll need a new partner for group presentations. I hate looking stupid and this language makes no sense to me. I’m just not good at it” Fran said decidedly. Her face took on a sour, but stubborn expression.
Grace followed through on her plan: she asked her lecturer for some advice on how she could improve. She also asked some of the students who were doing well for some tips. She started listening to Spanish songs while she was in the car or doing chores, she put on Spanish subtitles on her English shows so she could see the words more often, and she even watched a few Spanish TV shows as well. She also enlisted the help of her cousin in Costa Rica: she tried to speak a little Spanish during their phone calls, and her cousin encouraged and gently corrected her when necessary. Slowly, but surely, her pronunciation improved and she found that she was able to recall words and phrases more easily. Fran, on the other hand, had already decided that she simply was not good at Spanish. She kept her promise and accompanied Grace to classes, but refused to answer questions aloud or present in Spanish.
The final exam had three parts: a listening comprehension, a presentation involving a short conversation with a partner and a written exam. Fran shunned Grace’s request to participate in the conversation, so Grace found another partner: the classmate who had given her the helpful tips. When the results came out, much to Fran’s astonishment, Grace got an A. Fran just barely scraped a passing mark.
The feedback that Grace got from the lecturer was very positive: she acknowledged Grace’s rocky start, but praised her for the effort that led to her slow, but steady progress and eventual success. Fran’s feedback was succinct: she did not immerse herself in the language enough to begin to learn and appreciate it. Fran was shocked at Grace’s improvement, because initially, they were both doing badly. She had told herself that neither of them were good at learning a foreign language, accepted that as a fact, and refused to make any further effort. Grace, on the other hand, used her embarrassing moment to help her grow, and it paid off: when the cousins went to Costa Rica, she was thrilled that she was able to order basic foods, read signs, do a little shopping and greet people in the native language.
Well friends, that’s the end of my short story. Did you guess which mindsets each cousin represented? Fran had a fixed mindset: she believed that either you are good at something or you aren’t, she viewed failure as a sign that she should quit and, well, although she continued attending classes, her effort was minimal. In a sense, she did, in fact, quit. Grace, on the other hand, had a growth mindset: she left herself open to improvement, took a negative experience and used it to propel her forward, and believed that her success would be determined by her effort. She was also willing to ask for advice and learn from the successes of the people around her.
Which character do you identify with? I think that I have been both cousins at some point, but I am working towards having more of a growth mindset. Life has taught me that the first step towards growth and success is believing that it is possible and preparing yourself to make the necessary effort to achieve them.
Shespeaksandwrites 