I know that this is my first post for 2022, but I’ve been preoccupied with trying to solve a baffling mystery. The name of the mystery (a la Nancy Drew) is “The Case of the Person Who is Keeping Me from My Creativity.” I’m pleased to say that I’ve finally caught the culprit: it was me (insert facepalm here). The realization that the biggest obstacle to my dreams was actually myself, was far more than mildly unsettling. It was the necessary, but painful jolt to my system; it was as if someone had jumpstarted a battery that I didn’t even notice was dead. The answer to the question that plagued me; the question of “What is keeping me from writing?” was a “who” rather than a “what,” and the “who” was staring back at me in bewilderment from my mirror.
I love words and I relish excellent writing. I’m often captivated by (and also get lost in) in poetic song lyrics that evoke imagery and emotion. I marvel at the craft of the wordsmiths whose novels I love. The feeling I get when the right words just pour out from my mind and out of my fingers seamlessly and effortlessly is…inexplicably delightful. Yet, here I am, in this new year, struggling to blog and write. The fear, limiting beliefs and perfectionism that live rent-free within my mind and heart cooperated to build a dam, behind which my creativity was trapped. Please don’t misunderstand me, I love that I desire to do everything well; it ensures that I’m proud of most of the things that I do. I have high standards for myself and I think that that’s good. However, when taken too far, it can become the mountain that stops me from even starting along the path that will take me to my dreams and purpose.
You may be wondering what caused this avalanche of self-knowledge. Well, it was a children’s movie: Disney’s Encanto [Spoiler alert!] . There is a powerful scene where Isabela Madrigal, who has the power to make flowers blossom, finally lets her true feelings out, and grows…a cactus. Yup, a small, asymmetrical, prickly, imperfect but beautiful cactus sprouts and surprises her. The realization that she can grow different things sends her on a wildly colourful and wondrously creative journey. She asks herself “What else can I do?” and proceeds to cause an exquisitely beautiful paradise of plants and flowers to bloom and grow, while dancing and twirling amidst joyful explosions of colour and freedom. Her magical powers, her talents, grow in ways she probably only dreamed of, when she lets go of the desire to be perfect at all times. What wisdom can be found in a movie that was made for children! (You can see why this is currently my favourite movie, aside from the catchiness of the songs and how colourful the animation is).
So, this week, this month and this year, I want that for myself. “What else can I do? I’m going to allow myself to dare to be all that I can, even with my imperfections,” is my affirmation for this week. The word I chose for myself this year is “gumption,” but it’s hard to have gumption if I keep holding myself back. I too, would like to dance in the wonder of God’s love and leave a trail of beauty for myself and everyone around me. I want to be like the person in the parable who multiplied the talents they were given, instead of the one who buried their talent in the ground. For me, the unicorn represents just that: freely becoming and being all that I was meant to be.
So, kindly excuse me if this post is not perfect and is not as structured as some of my previous posts. My hope, here, is to inspire somebody (even there’s only one somebody), to begin the journey too. I think that it’s time that we got out of our own way, and stepped into the wonderfully unique, beautiful people that we were meant to be, even as we grapple with our flaws and struggle to grow. You never know who needs you to be you.
Peace, love and sparkles,
The Unicorn of Awesomeness.
Shespeaksandwrites 