Love in the Time of Covid: Episode 1 – The First Encounter

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Hello friends! This week’s blog post is the first in a series of stories that is essentially a romantic comedy set before, during and after the pandemic. In today’s “episode,” Keston and Janelle, the main characters, see each other for the first time in a coffeeshop (pre-pandemic). Happy reading!

It’s amazing how life-changing days can begin much like any routine day. This particular Friday was just like any other for the charming (and usually confident) Keston. Keston had a weekly routine: from Monday to Thursday, he carried a simple breakfast from home with him and ate it at his desk. However, Friday was not merely an average work day; it was the happy signal that the weekend was nigh. Thus, in order to mark this momentous day, every week, he treated himself to breakfast at the popular café, Traditions, on his way to work. But on this particular Friday, as he waited in line, something different happened: she walked in.

Now, this was not just any woman. This woman was graceful, elegant and well-dressed with a style that was both trendy and unique. But these qualities alone were not what drew Keston’s attention (and kept it); it was the poetry in her movements and the unconscious confidence that she carried herself with. Her attitude was a curious juxtaposition of confidence and ignorance: her poise said “I’m confident in who I am,” but she was also oblivious to the mesmerizing effect that her presence had on almost every man in the room. Her name, unknown to Keston at the time, was Janelle.

Keston, who was both impressed and intimidated by Janelle’s poise, found himself stealing glances at her. He was strangely nervous; he was usually the charming, confident smooth-talker. Thus he began to fidget: he adjusted his tie, pulled up his belt and fixed his hair. In a last-ditch attempt to distract himself (and look cool, I guess), he pulled out his phone, which naturally slipped through his fingers (as phones do whenever one tries to look extra sophisticated). While he would never have described himself as a multi-tasker, he suddenly became one: the crazy-looking movements he made to rescue his phone from imminent destruction also served to draw Janelle’s attention to what certainly was not one of his most shining moments.

He steupsed internally “Yeah boy Keston, real smooth.”

For Janelle, on the other hand, this was not a usual Friday. She had recently moved and was still exploring the area for places to buy meals. She too, enjoyed treating herself on a Friday, and she was thrilled to find a Traditions nearby. She walked in to the café and was charmed by its aesthetic. While she was waiting to order, she heard a small commotion and noticed a handsome, well-groomed young man fumbling as he tried to save the phone that slipped from his fingertips. She smiled to herself but looked away considerately when she noticed his embarrassment.

She soon received her order and made her way to the table where the milk, sugar, napkins and toppings were. She was slightly confused by the layout on the table and had trouble finding the cinnamon, but was reluctant to ask for help. She noticed Keston standing close by, adding sugar to his coffee, but she decided against asking him if he’d seen it, as he seemed very focused on what he was doing. Keston, although he tried to appear nonchalant, was still wracked with nervousness. He noticed she was looking for something and wanted to help, but for some reason unknown to himself (but fairly obvious to anyone reading this story), was afraid to say anything.

Janelle eventually located the cinnamon, sprinkled some in her coffee, covered it and made a move towards the door. Keston, who was also on his way out, went ahead of her and opened the door.

“Thank you,” Janelle said warmly as she exited the café.

“Now is your chance to say something!” Keston thought frantically. Usually in a scenario like this, Keston had some kind of charming response, but this time, all he managed to say was,

“No scene.”

That was it; there were no smooth lyrics, no award-winning smile, not even a proper sentence. He just managed to clumsily mutter two words in response to her warm thanks. Mentally, he smacked himself on the head.

As Janelle walked away, he tried to convince himself that his inability to say anything sensible was for the best. He told himself that a beautiful woman like that would not be interested in him. But while he kept up this stream of self-talk that was meant to dissuade him from being interested in her, he slowly became aware of a nagging feeling of hope. He hoped that he would see her again the next Friday. But while Keston was torn between embarrassment, doubt and hope, unknown to him, Janelle was also experiencing a nagging sensation of her own: she too hoped to see Keston again.

Will Keston and Janelle meet in Traditions again? Will he muster up the courage to say something to her (besides “no scene”)? Come back next week for the second instalment to find out.

Peace, love and sparkles,

The Unicorn of Awesomeness.

A Tale of Two Mindsets.

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Hello friends! Today’s post is a short story about two cousins with two completely different mindsets, who enter the same situation but end up with different results. Happy reading!

Once upon a time, a group of fun-loving cousins decided to plan a cousins’ lime (lime = hanging out, for my non-Trinidadian readers), but, instead of their usual beach/river/dinner/movie/home lime, they opted for something different. One of the cousins recently moved to Costa Rica, so they decided to upgrade their lime to a trip (to visit said cousin). However, two cousins (out of the four), namely Francesca and Grace, found themselves in a small predicament: neither spoke a word of Spanish. Their excitement about the trip was peppered with anxiety due to their total ignorance of the language. Grace, ever a seeker of solutions, found a short conversational Spanish course, and invited Fran to accompany her.

Their first few classes were disastrous. The lecturer believed the best way to learn a language was to immerse yourself in it. Thus instead of quietly sitting in the back and paying attention, Fran and Grace found that they were expected to respond, aloud, to questions (in Spanish), act out little skits in front of the class and follow basic instructions given in Spanish. Both of them felt lost and even slightly embarrassed, as they struggled to get the pronunciations and grammar correct. There many times that the lecturer gave an instruction, and both Fran and Grace were so lost that they just waited to see what everyone else was doing before attempting anything.

The turning point for Grace came after her debacle: after five classes, when she stood up to do her skit with Fran, she boldly said “Me llama Grace,” and pronounced “llama” like we would pronounce the name of the animal “llama,” in English. She lost marks for both bad pronunciation and poor grammar and the lecturer’s feedback for both cousins was definitely not positive and they both failed that assignment. They were told that they needed to work on their pronunciation and grammar and review their vocabulary.

“We did so badly in that skit and we looked so stupid,” moaned Fran after class.

“We learned how to say ‘my name is’ on the first day of class, and I still got it wrong. I do feel a little embarrassed,” responded Grace.

“If I were you, I’d want to dig a hole and bury myself in it. You’re lucky people were nice enough to stifle their giggles. I’m just not good at Spanish. I heard that either you have an ear for foreign languages or you don’t. Clearly, I don’t. I think I want to drop out,” said Fran.

“Hmm. I’m not sure I agree. I think I need to try harder. I’m going to ask the lecturer for some tips on what I can do to improve. Anyway, if people had laughed, I wouldn’t have minded much. It was pretty funny. I wanted to laugh too, and I’m sure I’ll never mispronounce it again,” concluded Grace.

“Well, if you want me to continue going to class to keep you company, I will. But I’m not participating, so you’ll need a new partner for group presentations. I hate looking stupid and this language makes no sense to me. I’m just not good at it” Fran said decidedly. Her face took on a sour, but stubborn expression.

Grace followed through on her plan: she asked her lecturer for some advice on how she could improve. She also asked some of the students who were doing well for some tips. She started listening to Spanish songs while she was in the car or doing chores, she put on Spanish subtitles on her English shows so she could see the words more often, and she even watched a few Spanish TV shows as well. She also enlisted the help of her cousin in Costa Rica: she tried to speak a little Spanish during their phone calls, and her cousin encouraged and gently corrected her when necessary. Slowly, but surely, her pronunciation improved and she found that she was able to recall words and phrases more easily. Fran, on the other hand, had already decided that she simply was not good at Spanish. She kept her promise and accompanied Grace to classes, but refused to answer questions aloud or present in Spanish.

The final exam had three parts: a listening comprehension, a presentation involving a short conversation with a partner and a written exam. Fran shunned Grace’s request to participate in the conversation, so Grace found another partner: the classmate who had given her the helpful tips. When the results came out, much to Fran’s astonishment, Grace got an A. Fran just barely scraped a passing mark.

The feedback that Grace got from the lecturer was very positive: she acknowledged Grace’s rocky start, but praised her for the effort that led to her slow, but steady progress and eventual success. Fran’s feedback was succinct: she did not immerse herself in the language enough to begin to learn and appreciate it. Fran was shocked at Grace’s improvement, because initially, they were both doing badly. She had told herself that neither of them were good at learning a foreign language, accepted that as a fact, and refused to make any further effort. Grace, on the other hand, used her embarrassing moment to help her grow, and it paid off: when the cousins went to Costa Rica, she was thrilled that she was able to order basic foods, read signs, do a little shopping and greet people in the native language.

Well friends, that’s the end of my short story. Did you guess which mindsets each cousin represented? Fran had a fixed mindset: she believed that either you are good at something or you aren’t, she viewed failure as a sign that she should quit and, well, although she continued attending classes, her effort was minimal. In a sense, she did, in fact, quit. Grace, on the other hand, had a growth mindset: she left herself open to improvement, took a negative experience and used it to propel her forward, and believed that her success would be determined by her effort. She was also willing to ask for advice and learn from the successes of the people around her.

Which character do you identify with? I think that I have been both cousins at some point, but I am working towards having more of a growth mindset. Life has taught me that the first step towards growth and success is believing that it is possible and preparing yourself to make the necessary effort to achieve them.

I hope you enjoyed the story!

Peace, love and sparkles,

The Unicorn of Awesomeness

New Year’s Resolution Writing Tips…from a Unicorn

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Happy new year everyone! I hope and pray that 2021 will be a wonderful year filled with blessings, love, joy, good health, growth and lots of sparkle for everyone. The beginning of a year is a time for many things: reflection, celebration, grief (for lost loved ones, wasted time or missed opportunities), and, well, debate. Yes, I said that it can be a time for debate: the annual debate of whether or not we should make resolutions because sometimes, it feels like an exercise in futility. However, whether or not you believe in making resolutions, the truth is that you can’t change if you don’t, well, make changes.

Now, as much as I love the feeling of a fresh start and a blank page at the beginning of a year, I’d like to post this disclaimer: I believe that any time is a good time for a fresh start. You don’t need to wait until January 1st to decide to improve yourself and your life. Actually, if you feel that change is necessary on June 2nd, August 15th or November 21st go right ahead and start then! However, I feel like there is something about the new year; an almost magical feeling and a belief that we can change things. There’s a freshness, hope and desire to plant seeds in our lives that will produce good fruit later on, that is conducive to improvement. So, this time is special to me, because I like to take advantage of the environment and hopeful feelings to propel myself forward.

Over the past few years, I’ve tried to make and keep resolutions, and I can safely say that I have seen some growth in several areas of my life. Of course, I’m far from perfect. If there was a court that judged new-year’s-resolution-keeping, I’d be found guilty of missing quite a few of my resolutions. However, between my own experience, and all the tips and advice I’ve gotten from books and videos created by people wiser than myself, I think I’ve developed a resolution-creating-strategy that works for me. I’d like to share some of that with you, and I hope that you will find these tips helpful.

So here it is; a unicorn’s list of resolution-writing tips:

1. Reflect on last year.
   • If you have been journaling, or if you have a record of what your resolutions were last year, reread it. Look back on your previous year and think about what you did well last year, as well as what areas you’d like to do better in.
   • Were there any new habits or practices you developed that you’d like to keep? Or perhaps you need to tweak them slightly or try something completely different? Are there any old habits that didn’t serve you well that you need to break? What made you happy and helped you to be a better version of yourself last year? What sufferings and challenges did you have and how did you cope? What stopped you from keeping your resolutions last year?
   • I usually begin this time of reflection with prayer, asking God to reveal to me which areas I need to focus on. I also like to imagine what a better version of myself would be like: how she thinks, prays, looks, treats people, works, plays, what her daily/weekly/monthly habits are, etc. Then I figure out what I need to do to become this version of myself. This reflection usually informs how I develop my resolutions.
2. Decide which areas of your life you want to improve.
   • I usually have a few different areas, for example, health and wellness, spirituality, “adulting,” dreams, etc. Some people recommend prioritizing one resolution, and you can do that. I personally cannot focus on improving one area of my life alone, so I choose a few manageable things (emphasis on the word “manageable.” I’ve been over-ambitious in the past). I do prioritize some areas over the others though.
3. Figure out your “why.”
   • There are two things that usually help to me stick to resolutions (or get back on the resolution horse after I’ve fallen off): knowing my “why” and creating habits (more on that later). I usually flesh out exactly why these changes or new practices are important to me. We often try to adopt new practices or make changes because “they” said these practices are good (you know the “they” I’m talking about; the same “they” that appears in sentences like “they say that doing xyz is good for you.”) I’m not saying that taking advice is bad; I love to learn from people who are wise in their areas of expertise or have great experiences to share. I am saying that you need to know why you think it would be good for you and why it’s important enough to deserve your focus and effort. Your “why” can keep you going when those “new-yearsy” feelings of motivation diminish. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing something I should, but when I remember why I chose to do it, it’s much easier to continue.
4. Write down your resolutions and decide what success would look like.
   • I usually think of my resolution in two parts: a general statement, and a SMART goal (or more than one) to work towards. I think we’ve all heard about SMART goals; it’s an acronym. Goals should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound. For example, my resolution might be “Improve relationship with God,” but along with that comes goals like “Add meditative prayer and spiritual reading to daily routine,” “Go to confession at least once per month,” etc. Or I might say “Improve health” and have goals like “Exercise at least 3 times per week,” or “Get 7 hours of sleep every night.”
5. Make a plan/strategy on how you will achieve these goals.
   • It’s wonderful to have a SMART goal, but you need to plan on how you are going to achieve it. Do you need to research anything? What potential challenges to you need to consider and how will you overcome them? Do you need any resources? Do you need to break your goal up into a series of steps that you sequentially accomplish throughout the year?
   • So, for example, one year I had a resolution to work on how I present myself physically (dress, hairstyle, makeup etc.) My “why” had several parts: as a child, I’d always imagined I’d present myself a certain way and I wasn’t living up to it, I wanted my outward appearance to reflect my fun-loving, happy, sparkly inner self, I enjoyed playing with makeup and wanted to improve my skills and I noticed that I felt more confident when I showed up dressed as fabulously as I wanted to. The goals included things like: “Learn how to style my natural hair,” “Wear makeup to work and church,” etc. The plan included looking at tutorials and trying out new styles and makeup tips that appealed to me, going through my closet and figuring out what I liked and disliked, looking for (and applying) tips on how to style a curvy figure and creating habits and an environment that supported success.
6. Create small, new habits and an environment that is conducive to success.
   • I recently finished listening to ” Atomic Habits” by James Clear. In it, he speaks about the power of making tiny, habitual changes and their benefits in the long run. I myself have noticed in my own life, how much more success I have when I make small, reasonable, sustainable changes that I include in my habits, as opposed to huge changes that can soon become overwhelming.
   • You can also tie new habits to old ones, in a practice known as habit-stacking. For example, I wanted to take better care of my skin, and the small habit I started with was applying sunscreen. I tied it to my normal morning routine: brush my teeth, wash my face then apply sunscreen. You can also introduce practices that set you up for success. For example, if you want to work out in the morning, lay out/select your workout outfit, shoes and gear the night before. That way, all you have to do is put it on (and it serves as a visual reminder). If you want to eat more fruit, add fruit to your grocery/market list, so it’s readily available when you need it.
7. Include these new habits/goals in your weekly/monthly planning.
   • I think this one is self-explanatory. If you don’t schedule or plan to do something, it’s less likely to happen. If I’m trying to adopt a new habit, I write it down in my weekly goals when I’m planning.
   • You can also use a habit tracker (shout out to the bullet-journal fans, or the people who buy planners with habit trackers). It serves as both a reminder and encouragement to continue with new habits.
8. Review your progress and make adjustments.
   • Decide whether you will review your progress every week/month/quarter.
   • Have you been making progress (remember, aim for progress, not perfection)? Did something happen that prevented you from doing as much you would’ve liked? What worked well and what didn’t? Do you need to tweak anything? Can you move on to another goal now? Are there any goals that you need to put aside? For example, last year I had a goal (under mental health) to go to the beach every month. Of course with the lockdown, that was impossible and I had to let it go. Maybe you resolved to workout every week, but you got sick and needed to rest. You would’ve had to put that goal aside temporarily and that’s okay.
9. Be patient and kind to yourself.
   • Have patience with yourself. Aim for progress, not perfection. Understand that sometimes, life happens and you may not be able to achieve everything exactly as you planned (one of the biggest lessons I think we all had to learn in 2020, was that we have a lot less control than we think we have).
   • Be mindful that sometimes success/growth might look a little different to what you planned.

This post turned out to be longer than I intended, but I wanted to ensure I included my entire resolution-writing process. Do you have any tips that you’d like to share? Feel free to leave them in the comments. I hope that in 2021, we all grow and we each learn to share our individual sparkle a little more.

Peace, love and sparkles,

The Unicorn of Awesomeness.